This post is written by a member of the diocesan Episcopal Youth Community (EYC). The post is anonymous due to the author's age.
Hello, I am a local member of your EYC. When I realized I was gay I was
terrified. I was terrified about what accepting myself meant for the way my
life would work out but mostly I was afraid of how my family would react. I come
from a fairly conservative family; I am a “Cradle Episcopalian” and I go to
church every Sunday. My parents reacted with complete denial when I tried to
come out (twice) and they still talk about boyfriends like I’ll be dating men
again any day now. (note: I don’t really care at this point if they know or
not. As long as they’re okay by my wedding we should be good!)
On the note of my eventual wedding, I want more than anything to be
married in the Episcopal Church. The church has raised me in a way that will
leave me forever connected to its grounds and I can’t begin to describe how
happy it would make me to marry in my home church. I have even found several
priests willing to do so when I’m ready as soon as the bishop gives the go
ahead. I don’t imagine myself with a huge white wedding, but rather a closely
knit affair with lots of joking and partying all through the night. I am not
unusual in that respect.
Given this reaction by my parents, my two brothers have been much more
accepting. When I told my older brother, he looked at me for a few seconds
before deciding that he thought it would be cool to have a gay little sister. I
was so surprised! I had a brother who loves me no matter what simply because
I’m me. That was the best feeling in the world. My little brother actually
found out from reading this post (he sent it to my email so I could work on it
on the fly). His response was much like my older brother in that he doesn’t
give two poops as long as I am there for him.
That is therefore the answer to the first section of the prompt; the
second portion however is not quite as simple. Most of my church family doesn’t
know and really doesn’t need to know. They don’t run around with a sign on
their necks saying ‘Hello, I’m hetero’ so I shouldn’t have to proclaim my
sexuality either. I don’t think it’s really any of anybody’s business who I do
or don’t share my bed with. It really doesn’t matter to me what my church
family thinks but I would like to think that if I did do the traditional
“coming out” thing they would all be very loving and accepting. After all they
wouldn’t really be my family if they didn’t love me for exactly who I am rather
than who they expected me to be.
I applaud your honesty and your willingness to share your story. "Coming out" is sometimes the most difficult task a gay or lesbian will experience. I agree, your church family at large doesn't need to know. As you get older you may want to tell others...I am sure you know who you can trust with the knowledge and who would be better off not knowing. And while your parents are in denial, it is good that your brothers are in the know and accepting. It sounds to me like you also have a good support system with the priests that you know who might perform your wedding ceremony when it is time. Keep up the good work and please feel free to reach out to me or other members of Integrity if we can be of any assistance to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd alway remember God and Jesus Love you - just the way you are!!
Susan Pederson
Integrity VB Board Member
St. Stephen's Norfolk
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you for being a fellow child of God. There's a great hymn text by Brian Wren (#603 in The Hymnal 1982) that I think applies here:
"Where generation, class or race, divide us to our shame,
He sees not labels, but a face, a person and a name."
When Jesus looks at each one of us, he doesn't see labels. He sees each one of us clothed in His baptismal purity of perfection and forgiveness, and the clouds still part, and the Spirit-dove still descends, and a voice still comes from heaven: "this is my beloved daughter in whom I am super-delighted."
While your earthly parents remain in denial, know that your heavenly parent is not. The God who made you has not made a mistake, but a treasured delight and beloved daughter. The tragedy here is that you have to remain anonymous to the church on earth because we fail to live into the love of God.
Be brave, be patient. The church is painfully slow, but she grows ever more into the image of Christ.